If real life were like a role-playing game…

• Young boys and girls, with no martial arts or weapons training whatsoever, could pick fights with almost anyone or anything and win.


• Wild, hostile animals could easily (and legally) be captured, domesticated, and trained to fight along side you, or in your place.


• No one would lock their doors, or mind if you barged into their homes uninvited, initiated random conversations, or rummaged through their possessions.


• Death would be reversible with an item or spell (unless death occurs during a movie, then it is permanent and irreversible).


• Invisible creatures would randomly appear and attack you for no discernible reason.


• Everybody would talk to you about even the most mundane topics.


• When someone told you something important, they'd ask you if you understood before letting you leave. If you said no, they'd repeat everything word for word until you understood.


• You'd get money for killing animals.


• Hospitals would be put out of business by hotels.


• All shops would be open 24/7, even during the apocalypse.


• All of our hair would be perfect, even after hours of battle.


• Most people would have only one thing to say, and repeat it endlessly when talked to. For some, this would be a conversational improvement.


• Loud blasts of victorious music would accompany the completion of even menial tasks.


• Social groups in school would change from the jocks and nerds, to the Fighters and Mages.


• Doctors would only have to examine your HP and status bar to determine your health.


• You could survive poisoning by staying perfectly still.


• Blindness would only affect you in a fight; otherwise you could navigate just fine, examine objects, read entire books, etc.


• Areas would only need 5 houses and a few dozen residents to be legally classified as a city, and most cities would be within a reasonable walking distance from each other.

Special thanks to all my friends who contributed ideas to this list!